Why is it so hard to say “I love you “ to someone you really love? And why is that sometimes we are confused if what we feel is really love or just an infatuation? You have no guts to tell your feelings because you know the reasons why—that you are afraid of rejections because you understand that you are not her type – you were not endowed with angelic face , muscular body, you are not an actor, you are not an action star and you do not even have your own car and house and lot.
One day you saw someone who is so familiar as if you’ve known that person before and feel those emotions of a pounding heart. You always feel and experience the same emotion every time you see each other. You really cannot describe the feeling . You feel like you are in heaven (as if you’ve been there before.) But why is the heart rejoicing though you know the fact that she is unaware of your feelings towards her. She doesn’t even know you- in short , you are just a total stranger for her.. Suddenly you recalled something. “ Yah, I remember now.” She is one of the cashiers in the famous supermarket nearby. You always ask yourself: “ why do I love her? I don’t even know her.” Sleepless nights comes next, toss and turn, you cant sleep and if you do, that person is still in your dreams. And when you wake up, she’s always in your prayer wishing that you will see her today. Of course you cant control yourself . You hurriedly went to the supermarket, you are always staying in the gondola near the checkout area … you are like a fool private detective , a stalker or an obsessed to her—how desperate! As the hours run very quickly and you prayed to slowed it down to see her more, she caught you and you caught her too. Staring at her eyes for seconds and feel your feet elevated above the ground. The first thing that came on your mind was “SOUL MATE” another stare coming from her and you are pretty sure that the stare is for you because she is not a crossed eyed lady. She is staring you with a smile on her face. You went home, after that you cant sleep, recalling that memory over and over again. You have decided to court her. The chance of your lifetime came, she is in front of you when suddenly your tongue tied up and cant express what you want to say. Nothing happened. All you did is to think what are you going to do the next time you’ll bump up into each other again . You built something in your dream that someday, somehow, somewhere the two of you will become happy surrounded with cute little kids. Your fine sunny day turned into a thunderstorm when you saw her with somebody else, they are holding each other’s hand while they are walking. You feel like your heart is going to burst, cant control your feelings, you cant endure the pain. You suffered on the following days, you have not seen even a glance of her. The usual cute smile on your face is gradually turning into a frown, it’s because you missed her… it hurts to miss someone who doesn’t know how to miss you, it hurts to love someone who doesn’t love you back but most of all it hurts when you’ve learned to keep her but she is not even yours. You heard a music. Wow, it’s a love song. It made you reminisce your happy moments worth remembering for you. You still remember yesterday when you were victimized by a one-sided so called love. You can still control your tears from falling down. You want to forget her but she is still there in your dreams bothering you. But its not good to continue your fantasy. You have wasted so much time for nothing. You said to yourself : ”Well, I have to forget her because she’s not meant for me.. life must go on and I must MOVE ON.” Your eyes are now flooded by tears, you’ve never understood the reasoning for someone to MOVE ON when you want to forget. It’s not like you are really going to MOVE ON , you are just trying to tell your heart to stop thinking about her every second of every minute of everyday until it finally becomes a routine and you don’t notice it anymore. That is, until you see her again, with somebody else and then you have to remind yourself again… end.
***
It hurts to see the one you love loving someone else. But what hurts even more is when you found out that the reason why she belongs to someone else is because you never gave her the chance to love you.
***
Sometimes, we are so stubborn holding on to something we want so badly. There is nothing wrong in hoping for love to go back. But there are times that we simply have to accept that it’s over.
***
When you fall from a deadly cliff, you’ll die,
When you fall from a high building , you’ll die,
But when you fall for someone who doesn’t love you at all,
You’ll be alive but it feels like DYING.
